


Over the Hills and Far Away

by Aquielle



Series: I Can't Quit You Baby [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel kisses are the best, Did I Mention Angst?, Fluff and Angst, I think I miss human!Cas more than Dean does, M/M, Season 9
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-17
Updated: 2014-06-17
Packaged: 2018-02-05 01:44:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1800877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aquielle/pseuds/Aquielle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The night they had spent together so many months ago had seared it's way into Dean's brain and it refused to give up residence. Not that he wanted it to. He clung to it the way Cas had clung to him, newly human and almost afraid that he would collapse under the weight of so many sensations.</p><p>They had been perfect for a few hours and it was more than Dean had ever dared hope for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Over the Hills and Far Away

Most nights Dean dreamt of things he would rather not face in the cold harsh light of day.

Things like his father's dissapointment and how it clenched his jaw into a hard line. The stern tone in his voice as it told him how he'd fucked it up, again.

The way Jo's eyes looked as he said goodbye to her for the last time and the heart wrenching sound that came from Ellen when the realization finally bloomed.

Things he missed like his mother's voice, the way her hair fell onto his face when she kissed him. The way she smiled and it felt like sunshine.

The smell of Bobby's house during that one monster blizzard. They had been stuck inside with nothing but the genny for power, it had been Uno cards, chilli and paperbacks for six days.

He dreamt of Kevin's burn out eyes staring up at him like a beacon of his failure and all that wasted potential. Mrs. Tran's sad face as she left with the ghost of her precious only son in tow.

He saw Gadreel glowing out of Sam and the betrayal that still lingered in his brother's face because of his own selfish need to not be alone.

Drowning in Jim Beam was far easier than facing any of those things. He would take the splitting headaches and aching body over reliving all the times he had let so many people down and all the things he would never have again.

The only time the guilt wasn't coiled inside him threatening to rip him apart was when he passed out, reeking of whiskey with his angel in his ear.

Cas didn't mind talking to Dean on the phone, however long it took him to finally pass out. Cas didn't care if he talked about the overcooked burgers in the roadside diner off of highway 75 outside of Knoxville or how Sam's silence slowed the passage of time to a crawl.

Cas didn't judge him or remind him how he inevitably screwed things up. Cas was just there, an beacon of constancy in Dean's otherwise tumultuous life.

If Cas ever asked him why he continued to drunk dial him so much he wouldn't confess. He couldn't own up to waking up on his stomach, face smushed into the mattress, half hard with the thoughts of Cas still lingering in his mind.

He couldn't say the words, he had missed his opportunity and saying all those things over the phone seemed wrong. Luckily in his drunken dreams he didn't have to say anything.

His favorite dream was driving his baby out to a valley in the middle of the day. He would stretch out on the hood while Zeppelin II played through the speakers. He would watch the clouds go by until he heard the rustle of wings and his angel would join him.

There were no awkward conversations about feelings or stuttered attempts at courtship. No apologies or regrets for all the things that had gone unsaid, they simply were. Dean & Cas like they were always meant to be.

In his dreams they were far away from the bullshit that constituted their real lives. No battles for Heaven or Hell, just the smell and the taste of Cas, his warm breath and lean body pressed beneath Dean.

They spoke only in hushed tones and kissed for what felt like hours. Unrushed and satisfied just to be together.

Dean would tell Cas all of the things that he could never manage to form into actual words. Adoration and words of praise tumbling from him in between the taste of Castiel's tongue and the sweet press of his lips.

He knew the source of his fevered dreams. He knew that the feelings he had stowed away for his best friend had come tumbling out in an uncontrollable mess, but Cas had been human and Dean had missed him so much it ached.

His trip to the Gas-n-Sip had been ill advised at best, but that hadn't stopped him.

Just the nearness of Cas had been enough to make Dean demolish the very carefully build wall he had erected around his desires.

The night they had spent together so many months ago had seared it's way into Dean's brain and it refused to give up residence. Not that he wanted it to. He clung to it the way Cas had clung to him, newly human and almost afraid that he would collapse under the weight of so many sensations.

They had been perfect for a few hours and it was more than Dean had ever dared hope for.

On the phone Cas would soothe him with reassurances that they would see each other soon.

It felt so far away to Dean. With the mark searing it's way through him and the broken, stolen grace burning Cas away, he honestly doubted they would make it out alive.

Cas just stated flatly that nothing had succeeded in keeping them apart for too long.

Based on the ferocity in the angel's voice, Dean felt sorry for anyone, above or below who might attempt to deny him.


End file.
